**Hamsters Make Terrible Roommates Lesson and Activity**

Teaching kids how to communicate respectfully can be a difficult task. Face-to-face social interactions are few and far between in this digital age, so this skill is lacking across the board. We have to find creative and engaging ways to get students to remember this important life skill in order for them to advocate for their wants, needs, and to set healthy boundaries.

My FAVORITE book to use to teach the concept of respect and healthy communication is "Hamsters Make Terrible Roommates" by Cheryl B. Klein.

In this hilarious story, we meet Henry and Marvin, two hamsters with personalities as different as night and day. Henry savors his solitude while Marvin thrives on constant chatter. Their differences spark conflict, leading to a breakdown in communication that resonates with children and adults alike.

Their discord lies in their inability to communicate effectively. Henry's passive approach and Marvin's incessant chatter escalate tensions until Henry erupts in frustration. Although it starts off rocky, Henry and Marvin are able to share a healthy friendship and mutual respect through assertive communication.

Teaching Respectful Communication

Let’s face it, most kids aren’t great communicators, especially when things aren’t going their way! Communication is a vital life skill that needs to be modeled, taught, and practiced. I like to start with the 4 basic types of verbal communication—aggressive, passive, passive-aggressive, and assertive—providing students with a framework for understanding their own communication styles and those of others.

4 Types of Verbal Communication

1. Aggressive Communication:

Aggressive communication is forceful and destructive. Children exhibiting aggressive communication may resort to yelling, hitting, or name-calling to get their point across. To teach children about aggressive communication, we must first emphasize the importance of empathy and understanding the feelings of others. Role-playing scenarios where children take turns expressing their emotions without resorting to aggression can help them understand the impact of their words and actions. For example, we might act out a situation where one child takes another's toy without asking and explore alternative ways to express frustration or disappointment without resorting to aggression.

2. Passive Communication:

Passive communication is easily overlooked and often drowned out by louder voices. Children who exhibit passive communication may struggle to assert their needs and preferences, leading to feelings of frustration or being overlooked. Teaching children about passive communication involves helping them recognize their own worth and empowering them to speak up for themselves. Encourage children to practice using "I feel" statements to express their feelings and preferences assertively. For instance, in a role-playing activity, a child could practice saying, "I feel” left out when my friends don't include me in their games. Can I join you?"

3. Passive-Aggressive Communication:

Passive-aggressive communication is indirect and often leaves others scratching their heads in confusion. Children who exhibit passive-aggressive communication may express their anger or frustration through subtle behaviors like sarcasm or ignoring others. Teaching children about passive-aggressive communication involves fostering open and honest dialogue while encouraging them to express their feelings directly. Role-playing scenarios where children practice expressing their emotions in a clear and straightforward manner can help them recognize the importance of transparency in communication. For example, a child might role-play a scenario where they express their feelings directly instead of resorting to passive-aggressive behavior when they feel upset.

4. Assertive Communication:

Assertive communication is clear, respectful, and direct. Children who communicate assertively are able to express their needs and feelings while respecting the rights of others. Teaching children about assertive communication involves modeling healthy communication habits and providing opportunities for practice. Encourage children to use "I feel" statements to express their thoughts, feelings, and needs in a clear and respectful manner. For instance, in a classroom discussion, a child might say, "I feel frustrated when my classmates talk over me. Can we take turns speaking?"

4 Key Elements to Assertive Communication

Assertive communication is a cornerstone of effective interpersonal interaction, characterized by clarity, respect, and empathy. Here are the four key elements of assertive communication:

1. Clear Expression of Thoughts and Feelings

Assertive communication involves expressing oneself in a clear and straightforward manner. This includes articulating thoughts, feelings, and needs openly and honestly, without ambiguity or confusion. By clearly expressing oneself, individuals ensure that their message is understood by others, fostering mutual understanding and respect.

2. Respect for Self and Others

Assertive individuals value their own rights and boundaries while also respecting the rights and boundaries of others. This means communicating assertively without resorting to aggression or manipulation, and acknowledging the perspectives and feelings of others with empathy and understanding.

3. Active Listening

Assertive communicators listen attentively to the thoughts, feelings, and concerns of others, seeking to understand their perspective before responding thoughtfully. By practicing active listening, individuals build trust and rapport in their interactions, fostering healthy relationships.

4. Solution-Focused

Assertive communication is focused on finding constructive solutions to conflicts and challenges. Instead of resorting to blame or defensiveness, assertive individuals approach conflicts with a problem-solving mindset, seeking mutually beneficial outcomes through collaboration and compromise. By fostering a problem-solving orientation, assertive communication promotes cooperation and resolution in interpersonal interactions.

Practice Makes Perfect

Engaging Scenarios

After teaching the different communication styles, we go through several scenarios to identify what types of communications are bring used. Incorporating engaging scenarios into classroom activities provides students with real-life situations where they can practice assertive communication. These scenarios can be tailored to reflect common challenges students may face in their daily lives, such as conflicts with friends, disagreements with classmates, or interactions with authority figures. By giving students in relatable scenarios, we create a safe space for them to explore assertive communication techniques and strategies.

“I Feel” Statements

The simple formula "I feel ___ when you ___. Can you please ___?" serves as a valuable tool for students to structure their assertive communication responses. This formula provides a clear and concise framework for expressing thoughts, feelings, and needs in a respectful manner. By internalizing this formula, students can effectively communicate their concerns while fostering empathy and understanding in their interactions with others.

Activity

After the lesson, I have my students complete a sorting activity by “feeding” Henry the assertive seeds. The visuals help the concept of assertive communication stick and keep my students engaged.

Assertive communication is a cornerstone of respectful interaction, characterized by clarity, respect, and empathy. Finding ways to teach this vital life skill can be a task, but using this story has been a game changer for me and my program. It’s funny, relatable, and perfect for teaching your students how to communicate in a healthy way.